The Christmas Collective - Part IV: Redemption at Christmas

My heart trembles under the vice-like grip of change. A lot of change.

Its beating is somewhat irregular as it seeks to work out the patterns of new rhythms. 

There has been so much transition, loss and pain in the last two years.  Yet, there is also so, so much to be grateful for and so much that has been gained!  I am thankful for many things and I am also mindful that there is a continued healing process needed. I know it will continue to take time...His time. - I believe this and trust this oh so deeply, even though there are days when it seems I don't.

The Christmas Collective

THE CHRISTMAS COLLECTIVE

The Christmas Collective - is a Collection of memories.

 The Christmas Collective - is about giving from what you've been given.

The Christmas Collective - is about peace, joy and love.

For most of my life I have sought to collect "things" in some way. (Confessions of a Collector)  Much of the kind of collecting I have engaged in has been out of a childish state of obsession, indecisiveness, and selfishness.  Then, at Christmas time, my collective tendencies become all about getting the right gifts at the best prices so that I can give my children a Christmas to remember - based on the amazement of waking up to a tree full of presents.  I have done things because I felt I had to and because it is just "what you do."  My motivation was more out of compulsion and less out of love.

Every Christmas seems to get crazier.  We fill our calendars with activities, parties, travel and shopping. This leads to feelings of craziness, and exhaustion.  Yesterday, I overhead my friend say, "Since December is always insane..." Oh, how true! This pierced through the heart!  Insane?!  Lord - that is not what you desire!   Yet, that is what happens.

Busyness replaces peace.  Desires replace contentment.  Everywhere we go "Happy Holidays" replaces "Merry Christmas" and more and more all the glitter, trinkets and Santa "stuff" replace Jesus.  There seems to be little of Him to be found. 

Ultimately, stress, stuff and debt replace in our hearts the joy and peace He came to bring.

Surely, it doesn't have to be this way.

This year as the Christmas season is ushered in, I desire something different.  As I find this new child-like state settling over me, I find myself with such comfort and satisfaction in all that I already have, and in all that has already been given to me.  It is a state of knowing that all I have need of is taken care of, because I belong to Him. My children are in a similar state (for the most part).  They are thankful to have what they have and to be loved and secure as part of our family. 

This year is a great year for The Christmas Collective.

I have been given joy and peace.  I have been given unconditional love. Out of the overflow of these gifts, I give to my family this year.  Out of this giving, I can collect - something different.

Instead of collecting sales ads, purchases, stress and debt, which we cannot afford to do anyway, we will collect memories together.

Instead of fretting over the things that don't get done or getting angry over the hiccups that cause us to be late, or miss out on, an event, we will take a deep breath and "let it go".

Instead of expecting things to be "just right", we will anticipate that many things will be not-so-perfect.

What can we give? What does the Christmas Collective look like?

It looks like patience through calm, kind and respectful responses, especially to my husband and children, as well as to the rude man who cuts me off on the highway or the impatient woman in the check-out lane. It means that when someone acts in rude and selfish ways and my own anger and frustration is triggered, I will take a deep breath and seek to respond in ways that point to Jesus.

And when my response is not what it should be, It looks like humbly asking for forgiveness.

It looks like smiles and laughter as time is enjoyed together.  It means that when my children (and my spouse and I) act childishly immature, it looks like taking a moment to reset our focus and priorities.  In doing so, it looks like pointing to Jesus so that our hearts may be drawn closer to Him and closer to each other.

It doesn't look like a complete dismissal of everything to do with Santa, elves, reindeer and snowmen or setting our faces in a frown against it all.  We will still watch Christmas classic films together and we will enjoy them.  But we will not be focused on them.  It looks like enjoying stories for what they are and putting them in perspective.

As my family sees me smile and laugh through the not-so-perfect moments, and as they do so as well, it looks like healing from past wounds of the more than not-so-perfect attitudes of the past.

It looks like giving and collecting memories out of peace and joyand love. 

We will take time to go places, to create and to just have fun being together..and we will enjoy the process along the way. 

Our plans to go somewhere may become hindered by the unexpected, and then we'll adjust as needed.

Attempts to try new things in the kitchen may end up with messes, things broken and even the smell of something burning.  We will take pictures and we will laugh - and then we will clean up.

When we go out shopping, our time will be spent without hurry and with little agenda.   We will share in conversation and wonder as we wander.

Our plans to create fun and wonderful crafts and other projects may mean we don't have something we wish we had.  So we will rely on inventive minds (and Pinterest) to come up with alternatives.

When our attempts to create end up on a FAIL blog, we will laugh and be thankful that we had fun anyway.

We may plan, again, to regularly read from the Advent book and fall several days behind.  We will be OK with that, and go right on back to reading what we can, when we can.  

All-in-all, the things we do will probably have several not-so-perfect moments. These moments are expected and anticipated so that when they happen, they are less frustrating.

My hope and prayer is that though all of this, our eyes and hearts will be focused on Jesus first.  That in all we do or don't do, His peace will be felt in powerful ways...and the joy and peace we have will overflow as a gift to each other.

Memories will be collected. 

This collection will be filled with love and laughter. 

A collection of not-so-perfect moments, that are just perfect.

May your Christmas season be blessed with His joy and His peace
in all you do, or don't do.

*****

THE CHRISTMAS COLLECTIVE

(TO SEE THE REST OF THE POSTS RELATED TO THE CHRISTMAS COLLECTIVE - PLEASE CHECK OUT THE CATEGORY TO THE RIGHT.)

Also in the Christmas Collective

• Ushering in Something New...
• Confessions of a Collector
• The Christmas Collective - Part II: Tradition!
• ...COMING SOON   The Christmas Collective - Part III: Redemption

Shared on A Wise Woman Builds Her Home - http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/  for Wednesday LinkUp

Ushering in something new...

"For everything there is a season, 
and a time for every matter under heaven: 

a time to be born, and a time to die;

 a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 

a time to kill, and a time to heal; 

a time to break down and a time to build up; ...

Thank you Lord for bringing me through this recent time, this season, of intensity. During this time I planted,  I watered and I enjoyed the harvest you brought forth. I felt death in several ways and I have also seen healing and life.  I have experienced the breaking down of much and look forward to the building up of more.

A new season is being ushered in.  As I have spent much time resting and soaking up time with The Lord, I have been in a season of healing. It has been a healing process the likes of which I have not felt for some time. To some of my friends I have described the last few months as a whirlwind of seasons hitting all at once. There has been time to grieve, time to reap and to reflect, time to recharge and time to just 'be' at the feet of Jesus.  It has been a bittersweet time.

...a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance,...

Looking back brings pangs of sadness as I grieve over losses and am reminded of  experiences that left their wounding imprints.  Then, with an open and emotionally raw heart, one that has left itself exposed to the healing touch of the Father, I can look forward. Sadness is displaced with gladness. He draws me toward the next steps. My steps are smaller than before, but He nudges me forward gently.

I turn towards that which I have to be thankful for, and am strengthened  through the words stored in my heart (Psalm 119:11), I begin to smile over many fond memories.  The underlying joy that resides deep within me breaks forth and the darkness dissipates enough so that I may clearly see the presence of my Lord, right there with me.

Though the gusts flare up occasionally, the wind is dying down.  

The brightness of the Son shines through and shows me new glories.

As brightness come forth, the Christmas season is ushered in.

In this new season, my heart is in a much more child-like state.  It is not a child-like state that is encumbered by the things of the world or engrossed in the immature ways of whining and demanding.  What it is, is a child like state of knowing that I am cared for and that what I have need of is given to me.

We do not have a steady income. Our future is uncertain.  There are many reasons to worry, to feel anxious and to reflect with feelings of failure.  Often I do tend to feel uneasy, but overall this new child-like state settles in. I am safe, I am loved, I am accepted and I am in the hands of the most capable and loving Father anyone can have.

This is the year where I no longer care for the ways of hustling and bustling from store to store.  I no longer care to buy things we cannot afford in an attempt to give my children beautiful memories of waking up to a tree filled with presents on Christmas morning. This is the year my children no longer care for it either.

This year, what I give, is not something I bought. This year, what I give was given to me. It is something that was purchased by my Father.  Through the gift of His son, the baby in whom we rejoice at Christmas time, the baby who would later be given up to the cross as the purchase price for me...through this gift, I have peace and I have joy.  These are gifts that come in, overflow, and are then given to others.

This year, I will give out of the overflow of what I have been given and it means that things will look a lot different this Christmas season.

The gifts of peace and joy are expressed in so many different ways and look different to different people.

Often, it looks like the sharing or our homes, our possessions and our time others. It can look like serving others in need. It can also look like a smile and sincere appreciation and recognition to someone who needs the love and compassion of others.  Which is really all of us.

It looks like wonder and awe. It looks like peace and it looks like joy.

It looks like appreciation and contentment.

For me,  this looks like the time to begin something new.

It is time to step forward in new ways.

It is time to create new memories.

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together - Ephesians 3:1-5a  

It is time to gather new stones...to build anew.

It is time for The Christmas Collective...

What is The Christmas Collective? 
Come on back to find out!

ADDITIONAL POSTS IN THE CHRISTMAS COLLECTIVE SERIES:

• Confessions of a Collector
• The Christmas Collective
• The Christmas Collective - Part II: Tradition!
• The Christmas Collective - Part III: The Zeal of the Lord
• BOOK REVIEW....The War on Christmas: Battles in Faith, Tradition and Religious Expression

He lifts my head...I hold His hand

The lyrics of Meredith Andrews song resonate in my head.

Lift up your head

And throw off every chain

Lift up your eyes

To the One who doesn't change

Lift up your hands

The broken he will mend

So lift up your head

My hands had been lifted - time and time again -in praise, in thanks, in joy, in worship and in the storms.  I love to lift them up to my Lord.  But - after many storms, my hands were growing more and more weary.  He was speaking to me all the while.

     I could not throw off the chains.  - I can 

          I'd lift my eyes up and they would become cast down again. - I am watching you
 
               I cried at his feet. -  I will wipe away your tears

                    My hands covered my eyes. Tears rolled. I was desperate. - I AM

                         I was right where He wanted me to be...
                                       - You are here with Me

In the days prior to leaving, I could barely get out of bed. Packing seemed far off and something I couldn't even do in my thoughts. Everything within me felt weighed down by the chain around me.  It is one that I have worn before.  Maybe you have worn it too? It is truly heavy and it is often made link by link.

Guilt - Condemnation - Failure - Fear - Despair

All lies - I knew they were lies, yet the accuser kept whispering them to me.  The more I fought, the more deceptive and subtle the enemy became.  I started to listen more and as I did my resolve and my hope dwindled considerably.  The voice of God was becoming quieter and farther off.  I hated this. Knowing what I know and believing as I do, the feeling of darkness covering me made it easy to feel even worse. I should be rejoicing in the LORD! ...like I used to do.

Even so, He was there with me in the pain and the sadness and the darkness.  He kept reminding me so much of Him through His word, through prayer and through beautiful songs of praise and worship.

He said things to me over and over again.  I have not left you. I have not forsaken you. He kept telling me not to fear.

"It is the LORD who goes before you.
He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.
Do not fear or be dismayed."
- Deuteronomy 31:8

He reminded me - Keep your eyes fixed on me.

That song again, (Meredith Andrews)

Let us all fix our gaze

On the Author of our faith

From all else we turn away

For the joy that conquers shame

Joy?  Where had it gone? It was something longed for, but something just out of reach.

Then He did as He often does. Morning came and the Lord provided the mercies I needed for the new day.  He had made it clear that he wanted me to go. I needed to go. My trust was solely on Him.  It had to be.

So, I packed and I went.  

Day One meant heading straight into a place where memories would flood in and it meant facing painful circumstances.  He gave me the strength I needed for that day, and for each moment as they came. 

Towards the end of Day One, my Father gave me a gift.  The gift of an unexpected conversation. The gift of being the one to offer forgiveness when I did not know forgiveness was even sought. What a joyous gift it was!

When I first saw her, well over a year ago, I thought we could be friends.  I sought her eyes and hoped to meet, but our eyes never met and I shrugged it off.  At that time, I had a strong need and desire for new friends.  It was during the largest step of faith I had ever taken where I was plunged into a new community and unfamiliar territory.  I often felt alone.

Yet, during this time, the Lord helped me to take every moment, every need and every situation, to Him....and release it.  For the most part, releasing my worries and concerns in this particular journey was pretty easy. This alone was a miracle.  Let go? REALLY trust? Yeah - that wasn't how I operated most of the time. 

God has graciously given me many blessings through surrendered faith. Even so, every moment, large and small, left its imprint on my heart.  After many months, those imprints began to meld together and the enemy used these and other painful wounds as well as the whispers of  his lies to wear me down in every way possible.

When she came to me, and asked me to sit down with her, I was surprised. It was the first time we had spoken. For me, her imprint was small, quite small, considering the many, many other imprints over this journey.  Yet - her presence, her love, her humility and her heart-felt conversation with me that night - was large. Quite large.  

Often, my heart hurts greatly when I see or feel someone dishonoring God.  In the same way, when I see someone show great honor and love I am deeply moved and exhilarated.   Seeing a precious and beautiful daughter of our King, my sister-in-Christ, moved to tears and humbly asking for forgiveness gave me great, great joy.  Not because I felt it was needed or ever expected it, but because she is so precious in God's eyes and her act was so pleasing to Him that I couldn't help but rejoice!  What a gift!

So - in 24 hours - I had gone from a desperately low place in my spirit to a place of awe and wonder.  Yay God! Thank you!  In addition, I began to feel loved more deeply through her act, and through the brilliant smiles of a few friends I hadn't seen in several months.  Day One began a journey of healing.

Days Two, Three and Four were filled with more love and more large movements in my heart.  By trusting a dear friend, I agreed to attend a "Walk to Emmaus" event.  God would use this time to draw me oh so close in His embrace. Through this event, the people that were involved and the activities I participated in, God brought about a beautiful caressing and nurturing to my heart.

On Day Three the Lord began to give me beautiful images to revel in as He spoke to me of His love and His fellowship and His Fatherhood.

I pondered the story of Emmaus as recorded in the book of Luke.  As Cleopas and "the other" walked along the road to Emmaus with Jesus, they did not know that the one who joined them on their journey was the very one they longed for.   Luke 24:26 says "But their eyes were kept from recognizing him".

How often we do not see the one who is there with us?  Sometimes it is because we are not looking, but at other times we want so much to see Him, feel Him, be near to Him and yet our eyes are kept from really seeing how close He is.  Perhaps, sometimes when we do not see how near He is, there is a great purpose in the revealing moments and in the story of not seeing? Perhaps, our seeing Him more clearly is all part of His plan and is fully within His control and timing, to bring about His glory and His purposes?

I pictured an image of walking along a dusty road, alone.  Then, I saw Jesus there.  I stopped walking and looked into his eyes.  He spoke to me and reminded me of who He is and gave me a glimpse of understanding that His purposes were being carried out through the journey.  Then, I held his hand and we walked together.  I could not see ahead of me on the path, but He was with me.

He was there all the time. - I will never leave you or forsake you.  

That evening another beautiful picture came to mind.  Through an act of love, and a small thing, I was given a beautiful, heart wrenching image.  In this picture, God reminded me of His Fatherly love for me.  I began to really feel like a daughter to the most precious and amazing Father ever.  I heard him say,   I have so much more to show you and to give to you. I love you tenderly dear daughter.  Keep walking with me. I will reveal more to you.

In my heart, I really felt as if I had fallen into the arms of love and had been released of the heavy chains.  He reached for my hand and I was able to lift my eyes again with hope and expectation to the future of what He wants to show me and where He wants to take me.

By the end of Day Four, I sang. 

A bit of caution here...those who know me know....I...do...not...sing.

Well, that is, unless it is in front of an audience and really embarrassing...like at my wedding.  Or perhaps as a backup singer with the man who would become the next CEO of Dell Computers to a large room full of executives and Mr. Dell himself....or, as I did this evening, to a room full of women I am only beginning to know...dressed in black...to the tunes of Johnny Cash. Yep- sure did. I was excited too, despite fears, insecurities and only a few days before having been in an emotional place where I didn't want to be around anyone. ANYone.

Honestly, I am not one who jumps at the chance for the microphone! Yet, when it comes to my great God, something happens.  Sometimes the spirit's prompting is just too clear and sometimes I just do things He asks me to do.  Later I think, "I did what?!?"  You see, fears that hold us back from doing what God wants us to do can not occupy the frontal place of our mind when trust is put in Him and His Spirit takes over.

This four day journey came to a close and God had chosen to use it as the means to bring about healing and renewal in my spirit.  In the days prior to obediently going when and where God was leading me, I could hardly make it out of bed.  During the journey, he lifted my head and broke off the chains of the enemy.  Going forward, I walk on the dusty path holding His hand.

My arms will quite likely get tired again, but His hand will still be holding mine.

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power of work within us,to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." - Ephesians 3:20,21 (emphasis mine)

Wrestling through the seasons

When I started blogging, rather...when I first started a blog and did virtually nothing with it...I did so with the hopes and dreams of sharing my learning journeys. My passions were steeped in grand overtures of cooking, gardening, herbs and DIY natural home & beauty care.  Who am I kidding, they still are.  I figured that everyone would want to know all the great things I learned about and about my successes and failures as I tried these things.  That's what blogging is about right? It would be a mah-velous adventure!

So, I read, I studied, I researched. I collected a wealth of information on the whys and the how-tos of all these grand venues. I collected books, websites, information and supplies. Yet...I remembered little...and followed through on even less....definitely, not-so-perfect. 

There are plenty of great reasons why I didn't accomplish much in these ventures. After all, I was doing a lot elsewhere. I had two small children 14 months apart, two older boys to home school and I operated a non-profit Christian lending library.  There was my husband to love, friends to meet, and a plethora of ministry activities to lead and assist with as well as a step-son that visited two to three weekends a month from an hour and a half away. Then, we moved and began to foster multiple children.  Yes, I was definitely busy!

Years passed, and I was too busy to do what I had in mind to do.  Although I've heard...that you are never too busy to do what's really important to you. So there's that. Hmmm....

Perhaps, I could have made more time?

Perhaps, it just wasn't the right time? 

More likely, His time looked much different than my time.

Really likely, what I had in mind just wasn't quite what God had in mind.

Despite my pursuits, I felt strongly that it was not my season to accomplish much.  At least, not much of the desires I sought after.

I knew this.  I knew, that I knew, that I knew....it was not my season. I told myself and I told others. But I wanted it! Like a child, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now!

So I fought against the daily, seemingly mundane, activities of life; cleaning sticky messes, sweeping, vacuuming, cooking because you had to eat and not for fun, responding to whining and fighting children, wiping butts, toilet training young ones, trying to get one child to actually DO their school work and fighting with another about the WHY of doing their school work. Occasionally I found joy in this, but not often enough.

In other areas, I complied with things I felt He was leading me to do, though I felt ill equipped and I wasn't sure why I was doing them, except to serve Him. At one point I felt called to lead a talent show two years in a row. (For those who really know me, leading a large event is NOT my forte'!) We held a monthly teen fellowship night in our home because we felt led to do so. And then there's the library and the move to a ranch to foster and have up to 12 kids at one time. These were both large, adventurous, and often overwhelming, undertakings, especially for an introvert! I also stepped-down from ministries on occasion, to focus on family and re-prioritize.

Through times of obedience and times where it lacked, my Father has spoken to me. Over and over again he has called out to me.

Be patient and I will give you rest. 
Wait and trust in Me.  
Trust that my plans are perfect, they are for your best and for my glory.  
Believe in my wisdom and put your faith in me.  
You will find rest in Me as you seek Me with all your heart.

And then, I believe there is something else that He wants me to understand.

Do not waste the season you are in.
I have a purpose for you now.
Seek Me, Ask of Me, and Receive from Me...what I have for you in this moment.

Mentally, I got it.

Parts of my heart softened and surrendered to enjoy and live in the season I was in.

But...parts of my heart still held back.

He kept taking me in places I hadn't expected to go, places I often didn't want to go.

The Lord had work for me to do that looked different than the things I sought.  Yet, as I struggled internally, and wrestled with God, I grew.

In some areas I laid down my needs and wants to seek after His. It was here that I found peace and joy.

In other areas I still held back. There, I felt sadness and lacked peace.  

Where I kept a part of my heart back, I did not reap the full benefit of what my Father had for me.

Remember the song in Sesame Street? Which one of these things is not like the other? Yeah, I've been like that. Sticking out and standing there saying, I don't want to do what fits and what belongs in this picture you've put together God. Don't you know what I want to do?

I told God, I'm ready now for the season that is ahead of me. I told God that this is what I want to do. It's kind of like wearing a bikini on the coast of Maine...in January. Or, a heavy parka in the deserts of Arizona...in August. It doesn't fit. It doesn't belong.

Then - the light shines on the one who isn't doing what they are supposed to be doing, and it is painfully obvious.  At this point a decision has to be made. Either continue in a foolish pattern of doing your own thing, or look to the Creator and ask him to show you where you really belong. At this point, I recognized that my warring desires were frequently faced with a call to surrender. 

The more I laid down my needs and desires, the more I began to see that not only had I been battling God's plan and His best for me, but I was fighting against my unique strengths and giftings.  I was forcing desires in my life that weren't for me. They were part of my journey, but not the fulfillment of where God wanted me to go. God was showing me the blessings of a heart committed to Him no matter what. This is a much sweeter place to be; a place where peace is found. 

"Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth." - Colossians 3:2

I began to recognize that my attempts to cook, garden, etc and my desire to blog about it, just weren't coming to fruition.  I watched my sister's faithfulness in a focused area help her in a successful allergy friendly blog (which I highly recommend, www.hopeskitchen.info)   I noticed that friends were doing far more than I when it came to my areas of significant interest.  Then, I realized that all these desires I had (have) were really more like passionate hobbies.  The deeper, more prominate desire in my heart was to learn, and to share with others about my loving and almighty Father. 
 
It was time to ACCEPT my own journey.

It was time to ACCEPT that it looked different than what I envisioned. That it looked different than others' journeys.

It was time to ACCEPT that when I have trusted and obeyed in serving Him over the years I have been fulfilling part of my purpose. 

It was time to ACCEPT that his timing is best. 

It was time to ACCEPT that the season I am in is part of His plan and is for his glory. 

It was time to BELIEVE and ACCEPT that God's future plans for me would be for His glory too, no matter what they look like.

It was time to grow further in TRUSTING God's plan over my own. 

Recently, I was introduced to the concept of Life Languages. I will be writing more about this in the future, but in a nutshell there are seven life languages that characterize the way we communicate and interact with others. Finding out what mine are (and what my husband's are) has helped greatly.  Through the investment of our time (20 min) and money (it runs $45 per person) to take the KLLP (Kendall Life Languages Profile), I was able to identify some interesting dynamics to my internal wrestling.

My strongest life language is "Contemplator".  In a moderate second is "Responder" and third is "Doer".  In short, that means that I have a desire to DO things, but often get pulled away or change what I am doing to RESPOND to others and before that even happens I spend far more time CONTEMPLATING than DOing. I think and think (study and research) more than DO.  WOW! That's exactly what happens! 

I faced this reality head on. The reality of where my strengths really lie.  The reality that I wouldn't ever have a fabulous DIY, or natural living, or organic gardening blog because I will think more about it than do anything with it. I faced the reality that God had something different for me.  By facing this and accepting it, it didn't mean death to me. It meant life.

I accepted the things I have not done, the things I thought I had failed in. I reflected on the reasons why. I considered the things I have done, and then accepted the gifts God HAS given me.  

He has shown me that it wasn't so much about failing, as it was about succeeding.   Succeeding by accepting that who I am is better defined by Christ and not by what I think I should be.  Succeeding by laying down my wants and desires entrusting them to my Father.  Succeeding by recognizing what my true abilities are and seeking to pursue how these fit in His plan.

I still have my passionate hobbies.  I will still learn and grow and eventually accomplish more.  I will still write, occasionally, about the process. But my writing will not be primarily about this.

I will write as the Lord leads me. I will accept failures along the way. I will seek to show that His grace is sufficient for me and that His power is made perfect in my weakness.   (2 Corinthians 12:9)  

His Not So Perfect Housewife is about being real.  Real trials, real sorrows.  As well as real joy and real victories, in all facets of life.  It is my hope that as I openly share these victories and failures that my Father is glorified.  It is my hope that you and I may find camaraderie in our struggles and hope for our victories.

As John Piper's well-known statement goes, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."  Let us seek Him in all things.

Lord - I come before you with a restless heart that desires to seek you in ALL things. I desire to trust you fully in what you have for me now and what you have planned for me I the future. Meet me here Lord - where I am, in the season I am in. Amen. 

Just say Jesus

As I was riding in the car today, deep in thought and seeking the Lord's presence through worship songs, I heard a new song on the radio. That happens occasionally you know.  After the thousandth time they play the same ones, a new one comes a long.  Then maybe weeks later you hear it again. I don't know who sang the song. I don't know what the name is.  I didn't Shazam it so I can't tell you what it was and had I not concentrated my thoughts to remember this line that stood out in the song, it would be forever forgotten due to short term memory difficulties, or getting older.  Whichever.

What I do remember was a simple line from the lyrics..."When you don't know what to do, just say Jesus" (or something like that...)

My heart sighed.

Memories flooded in.

A young girl terrified in the middle of the night.  Hearing from God and calling out.

Young children and foster children, shaking in fear, being told to call out.  Hesitating. Calling out. Being comforted.

Fear is vanquished and comfort floods in when the peaceful presence of the great I AM is called upon, and trusted in.

This young girl, me, woke trembling on several occasions from young childhood through to young womanhood and even now at times.  At some point, The Lord said, "Call out to me. Call on my name. Trust in Me."

I did. I called on his name. As a whisper at first. Then louder. Then more boldly.  The fear dissipated and I felt the presence of his peace covering  and filling the room.  Not because I called on his name as a magical incantation but because at the name of Jesus every knee, every power under heaven, will bow.  His name is mighty.  His being is beyond understanding.

In calling on the name of Jesus in the midst of my fears, I am also trusting Him.  I am believing that He is more mighty than my fears. I am turning my thoughts towards the one who loves and cherishes me. Towards the one who suffered on my behalf to the point of death! He cares enough to be there when I call upon him.

These young children were scared for different reasons.  I believe at the heart of all of those reasons was their need to seek the same master who leads me and comforts me.  When they have been scared I hugged them, prayed with them and gave them a mama's comfort.

They need more than I can give. I have my role as mom, but they need more than that.  My foster son especially needed more as he has lived in anxiety, sadness and fear to the point where it took him months to even receive any comfort from me.

What could I give them that would last beyond me? What would be stronger and more reliable than me?  I give them Jesus.  I tell them, "When you are afraid, call on Jesus. He is mighty and his name is powerful.  He is ALWAYS with you and will NEVER leave you.  EVERY where you go, no matter where that is, Jesus is the one you can count on and the one you can call on. Call on Him!""

Then I have prayed with my children to teach them what it means to call out to Jesus and to ask for His help. I have purposed to teach them that there is One who knows them so well because He made them for mighty purposes.  That the fears they have, and in some cases the situations they have been in, were not things that He desires for them, but that they can always seek Him.

No matter where we are...no matter what the situation is...no matter the lack of words we have in the moment, we can be comforted as we trust in the great I Am, as we call on his name.

Really, it is much, much more than just saying a word.  It is a call of trust.  It is a call of surrender as we give over our fears to receive the peace of something, someone, greater. It is something I need to remind myself of.

When you don't know what else to do, or what to say, it is a good start.  A powerful start.

Just say Jesus.

Philippians 2:10, John 10: 11-15, John 18: 5-6, Exodus 3: 6, 13-14

For a day like today...God gave me Chugga Dude & Costco

Some days are just hard...emotionally exhausting even. I've had a lot of those, especially over the last many months. Sometimes I feel like I am at a crux where the momentum of life is taking a hard right to a new direction.

Today, I got the chance to come face to face with hard realities in life.  I am confronted with the fact that our children are never really under our control. They are created by our Creator and we are blessed with the opportunity to love and shepherd them for a period of time. Then they begin to make their own decisions and the best thing a parent can do is cry out to God and pray and trust. He made them after all. He had a plan for them long before a mother did.

Days like today make the good and bad memories of years gone by flood to the surface. Days like today remind me of my great need for total reliance on my Father in Heaven. Days like today I don't look forward to, but can later learn to appreciate and be thankful for. 

In the midst, I've been reminded to seek joy in all sufferings. That the rewards in heaven for suffering are far greater than temporal sufferings.  I've been comforted by friends. I am challenged to find things to be thankful for and to rejoice in the Lord despite the pain as I lay my burdens at the feet of Jesus and ask Him to take over.  Um...can I say...Jesus take the wheel?

As I pause towards the end of this day, I have a moment to reflect and to thank God for the little things.  I am thankful for the hug of a faithful friend.  I am thankful for the help of another to assist in something I could not do on my own.   I am thankful for texts from loved ones at just the right time.

And... one of the best things about today, was a little reminder from God to treasure the moments. Moments like seeing my Chugga Dude, my ever creating and non stop wonder, find excitement at Costco. I can relate.  For me, Costco means finding loads of organic and natural items to stock up on.  For Chugga Dude and my little Rose it means so many free samples that the pit stop for lunch before shopping was completely unnecessary.  For Chugga Dude and my little Rose, it also means a place where simple things, like empty boxes mean new creations.  Even a box can let your spirits soar as you imagine the fun your jet pack boy is going to have on his adventures.

So for today...God gave me Chugga Dude & Costco. 

Come on Chugga Dude....let's soar!

Lyrical Living - Don't Give UP! - Help is on the way....

Lyrical Living (Click for more info) -
When words and/or music flow beautifully and speak to or from my heart.

Have you ever felt like the circumstances of life were weighing so heavily that it felt like literally...physically... you couldn't even take another step?   Yeah - maybe you are saying, "Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt...make that ten T-shirts...wait, make that the Platinum T-Shirt...no...no...I'm LIVING in the T-Shirt"!

Sometimes, the weights seem to pile on one after another. Maybe one gets lifted and a heavier one seems to be added. I've felt that way on many occasions...recently even...many times over. Then when I begin to think about the weight(s), I start criticizing myself for focusing on them and feeling sad, in despair, anxious etc, because I know that living in those emotions isn't the life God has for me. Then, my self-criticism can quickly turn into condemnation. Then - my mind reels some more and says, no condemnation!  My thoughts go from one thing to the next, and none of it is a healthy place to stay in.

In the heat of the battle, a spiritual battle taking place in the mind, constructive conviction sometimes gives way to destructive self-talk and self-condemnation.  Self-condemnation is a path Satan wants to take me on so I won't find the blessings God has for me in persevering. Constructive conviction can help me make changes that ultimately strengthen me and give glory to God.

This time your heart said it's had enough

Sick and tired of everything that's so messed up

You don't wanna move on just playing games

Praying hard somehow that your life will change

When you feel like you don't know what to do

Stuck inside this maze you can't go through 

Then, in some way I hear HIS voice again.  Maybe through a song on the radio, a call from someone who cares (even if the whispering voice tries to tell me that they don't), the smile of a child, or simply the still small voice of the Holy Spirit reminding me to seek the Father's face.  I am reminded of words treasured in my heart.  "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

That verse. It's so frequently quoted that it often loses meaning and impact.  Have you noticed the words before and after it? The Lord shares this verse of hope to his people after telling them they will endure many, many trials for many, many years! UGH!  Now, I KNOW my challenges aren't as bad as what the captured Israelites endured in Babylon!

His kind voice reminds me as I read further, "Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:12-13

By taking the time to focus on the truths of God and the words He has shared with the people whom he has loved, I can choose a different path for my thought pattern. I can remind myself that by calling on Him and praying to Him, He will hear me. Not only that, but I WILL FIND Him when I seek Him with all my heart. In this process, I can go from destructive self-talk to words of truth and promises.

Fear, sadness, anxiety and despair.  These feelings are real - but they are not the end! I have to remind myself of this. They do not have to become reality.

These walls around you are caving in

And your life seems like it is wearing thin

And your hope is drowning in despair

It looks like you're not going anywhere

Step inside this heart and then you'll see

Such a love that is so amazing.

These words were very real for me several months ago when I reached another point of feeling like I couldn't go any further.  God used this song to speak to me when I needed it most.  I had felt like I was pushing and pushing through and trusting God to provide, yet I just didn't have the strength to "do" anymore.  I reached a point where I couldn't listen to anymore of the Christian radio station and turned it off. My mind was going into unhealthy territory, right where the enemy wanted me to go. I felt extremely alone, unloved and incapable to persevere. 

It was silent in the vehicle, from the the radio not playing, for all of about 5 minutes.  But, the multiple children in the back continued their fighting and screaming at each other so loudly and unrelentingly that I turned the radio on FULL BLAST.  My intent was to change the atmosphere in a shocking way to get them to pause the fighting for a minute.  My little plan backfired.  Ahem...

Honestly, I don't recall what the children did next or if they even stopped fighting for the next week.  What I remember clearly - was HOW LOUD and exact the words were that played in my ear at the time I needed the reminder the most.

DON'T GIVE UP

Help is surely on its way

And don't give up

And the dark is breaking in to day

And just keep on moving through these storms 

And soon enough you'll find the door

Just don't give up

Oh, and don't give up

Yeah - really.  Don't give up. As simple, and hard, as that. I felt like God was reminding me to keep on going, to keep on trusting and to keep on praying and seeking him. I did not have the strength, but He provided in small ways that helped me get through.

Sometimes help comes in ways that we don't recognize, but it's there. Sometime it comes in the form of a bible verse we've heard many times over. Sometimes it comes in the form of a phone call or interruption at just the right time which causes a disruption of unhealthy thought patterns. Sometimes it's in the words of a sermon, or in a book, or from a friend and it encourages us and reminds us of God's truths and promises.

Help is surely on its way, but if we aren't looking for it we might miss it. By looking for it I mean preparing our hearts to receive what God has for us - even when we feel he has nothing for us or that what he has is something we don't want. When our hearts are turned to the Father and seeking Him and desiring His will, we are able to more clearly hear and recognize His voice over the din of life's circumstances. 

For me - in the above example - help came in a reminder not to give up.  Then, I had to begin to find ways to trade the thoughts of despair into hope.  The only way to do the that is by spending time in God's word, the Bible, and in prayer so that I could hear His voice and hear the truths which I needed to replace the many lying whispers. Not only that, I choose to focus my thoughts on those truths.

Finding hope - in seeking Him and His truths. Not giving up.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1

("Don't Give Up" lyrics by Calling Glory)

New Season - New Blog - New Mercies - New Hope

Those who know us well know that over the last few years our family has gone through many large changes, endured many challenging situations and fought many spiritual battles.  We have also seen miracles happen, God's mighty movements in people's hearts, healing and growth.

In early 2012, with short notice, we moved from our home of over a decade to live on a ranch we did not own.  (For more information on the move click here.)  We took care of 13 foster children and another teen boy in a span of 15 months.  At the end of May 2013 we moved back to our home and soon we were down to three of our five children in the home.

Previous to "the move" we had taken a year of rest from many commitments after coming out of a season of owning and operating a non-profit ministry and large physical Christian library, as well leading many ministries (worship, prayer, teen, mens, womens etc) and homeschooling four of our five children.

Many times there have been activities that we've led or participated in that were great and fulfilling.  Also, there were several times that they did not turned out as we had hoped or thought they would. 

We have often wrestled with many of the things that many people wrestle with:

Are we parenting our kids well? Are they learning discipline? Are we showing grace? Do they feel loved? Do they love us?

Will homeschooling our kids be successful?  Will they excel?  What methods or curriculum should we use?

Why does communication in marriage seem so difficult...nay...impossible?  Why doesn't he just listen? Why doesn't she trust me?

Will I ever learn to simply stop yelling, or getting irritated, or feeling hurt, or in despair?

Why does it seem that life is SO HARD!

      Ugh - this one I hate to even admit that I think... and I always have to check myself because deep down I KNOW that MANY MANY people experience FAR more challenging circumstances.

Then it hits again. Will I ever stop feeling bad for myself?  Seriously Jo - SNAP OUT OF IT! (Like that ever really helps.)

Then...Then...Then....

HE speaks to me.  HE speaks to my heart. HE reminds me that HE has the peace I need, that HE cares, that HE is strong enough to overcome and....and....and...

that HE is worthy of me praising HIM despite the circumstances.

So now we are beginning a new season. It is FAR from perfect. There are still painful family circumstances we are walking through.  We are learning new and deeper levels of trusting HIM all the time.  We are learning new ways to communicate as a couple and with others. We are learning new perspectives to so many aspects of walking a life of humility and confidence in Christ. There are new mercies and there is a deeper understanding of clinging to Him. There is still pain and brokenness to be worked out, but there is a renewing of our spirit with Hope.

So now...we lean into Him more than ever. 

So now...we seek Him in all things.   We hold on to our belief that His promises are true and good and that His ultimate plan for our lives is better than anything we can see or understand.

Now we look forward to a new and brighter future, here and forevermore.

"...He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."
And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down for these words are trustworthy and true." - Revelation 21:4-5

Ask, Seek, Knock...Receive

What is that you said?

"For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."
-Deuteronomy 4:24

You are a jealous God? What do you have to be jealous of?

I am not like you. I don't have anything that you haven't given me.

Oh - wait a minute.

I don't have anything that you haven't given me?

I don't have anything that you haven't given me.

Hmmmm...

I do not have anything that YOU haven't given me!

Yikes!  My home? My husband? My kids? My friends?

My peace...my comfort...my assurance.

Your love! Your grace! Your forgiveness! Your sufficiency! Your redemption!

Should I ask for more? Do I dare? Won't I bother you? What if I ask for the wrong things?

Book Review : same kind of different As me. / Ron Hall & Denver Moore with Lynn Vincent

WOW!  Seriously, wow!  I must begin by telling you that as much as I love to read, few books have truly captured my attention that were not fantasy, mystery or suspense of some kind.  A few historical fiction novels have been delights over the years, but I cannot recall one non-fiction book that captured my heart and moved me to laugh and cry and pursue others to join me in appreciation.  There are books that are interesting to read, books that are well done, books that keep you up late and night and books like this one, that are all of these and also tug at your heart.   I laughed (out loud), I cried (tears streaming down my face) and I smiled.

This true-life story centers around two men from two different worlds, the woman who made a difference and a God who works in mysterious and gracious ways.  One man a wealthy art dealer and another who grew up the poorest of the poor in America, their lives collide. Their lives were vastly opposed and only God could have woven the tapestry that unfolds in this story.