Lyrical Living - Don't Give UP! - Help is on the way....

Lyrical Living (Click for more info) -
When words and/or music flow beautifully and speak to or from my heart.

Have you ever felt like the circumstances of life were weighing so heavily that it felt like literally...physically... you couldn't even take another step?   Yeah - maybe you are saying, "Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt...make that ten T-shirts...wait, make that the Platinum T-Shirt...no...no...I'm LIVING in the T-Shirt"!

Sometimes, the weights seem to pile on one after another. Maybe one gets lifted and a heavier one seems to be added. I've felt that way on many occasions...recently even...many times over. Then when I begin to think about the weight(s), I start criticizing myself for focusing on them and feeling sad, in despair, anxious etc, because I know that living in those emotions isn't the life God has for me. Then, my self-criticism can quickly turn into condemnation. Then - my mind reels some more and says, no condemnation!  My thoughts go from one thing to the next, and none of it is a healthy place to stay in.

In the heat of the battle, a spiritual battle taking place in the mind, constructive conviction sometimes gives way to destructive self-talk and self-condemnation.  Self-condemnation is a path Satan wants to take me on so I won't find the blessings God has for me in persevering. Constructive conviction can help me make changes that ultimately strengthen me and give glory to God.

This time your heart said it's had enough

Sick and tired of everything that's so messed up

You don't wanna move on just playing games

Praying hard somehow that your life will change

When you feel like you don't know what to do

Stuck inside this maze you can't go through 

Then, in some way I hear HIS voice again.  Maybe through a song on the radio, a call from someone who cares (even if the whispering voice tries to tell me that they don't), the smile of a child, or simply the still small voice of the Holy Spirit reminding me to seek the Father's face.  I am reminded of words treasured in my heart.  "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

That verse. It's so frequently quoted that it often loses meaning and impact.  Have you noticed the words before and after it? The Lord shares this verse of hope to his people after telling them they will endure many, many trials for many, many years! UGH!  Now, I KNOW my challenges aren't as bad as what the captured Israelites endured in Babylon!

His kind voice reminds me as I read further, "Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:12-13

By taking the time to focus on the truths of God and the words He has shared with the people whom he has loved, I can choose a different path for my thought pattern. I can remind myself that by calling on Him and praying to Him, He will hear me. Not only that, but I WILL FIND Him when I seek Him with all my heart. In this process, I can go from destructive self-talk to words of truth and promises.

Fear, sadness, anxiety and despair.  These feelings are real - but they are not the end! I have to remind myself of this. They do not have to become reality.

These walls around you are caving in

And your life seems like it is wearing thin

And your hope is drowning in despair

It looks like you're not going anywhere

Step inside this heart and then you'll see

Such a love that is so amazing.

These words were very real for me several months ago when I reached another point of feeling like I couldn't go any further.  God used this song to speak to me when I needed it most.  I had felt like I was pushing and pushing through and trusting God to provide, yet I just didn't have the strength to "do" anymore.  I reached a point where I couldn't listen to anymore of the Christian radio station and turned it off. My mind was going into unhealthy territory, right where the enemy wanted me to go. I felt extremely alone, unloved and incapable to persevere. 

It was silent in the vehicle, from the the radio not playing, for all of about 5 minutes.  But, the multiple children in the back continued their fighting and screaming at each other so loudly and unrelentingly that I turned the radio on FULL BLAST.  My intent was to change the atmosphere in a shocking way to get them to pause the fighting for a minute.  My little plan backfired.  Ahem...

Honestly, I don't recall what the children did next or if they even stopped fighting for the next week.  What I remember clearly - was HOW LOUD and exact the words were that played in my ear at the time I needed the reminder the most.

DON'T GIVE UP

Help is surely on its way

And don't give up

And the dark is breaking in to day

And just keep on moving through these storms 

And soon enough you'll find the door

Just don't give up

Oh, and don't give up

Yeah - really.  Don't give up. As simple, and hard, as that. I felt like God was reminding me to keep on going, to keep on trusting and to keep on praying and seeking him. I did not have the strength, but He provided in small ways that helped me get through.

Sometimes help comes in ways that we don't recognize, but it's there. Sometime it comes in the form of a bible verse we've heard many times over. Sometimes it comes in the form of a phone call or interruption at just the right time which causes a disruption of unhealthy thought patterns. Sometimes it's in the words of a sermon, or in a book, or from a friend and it encourages us and reminds us of God's truths and promises.

Help is surely on its way, but if we aren't looking for it we might miss it. By looking for it I mean preparing our hearts to receive what God has for us - even when we feel he has nothing for us or that what he has is something we don't want. When our hearts are turned to the Father and seeking Him and desiring His will, we are able to more clearly hear and recognize His voice over the din of life's circumstances. 

For me - in the above example - help came in a reminder not to give up.  Then, I had to begin to find ways to trade the thoughts of despair into hope.  The only way to do the that is by spending time in God's word, the Bible, and in prayer so that I could hear His voice and hear the truths which I needed to replace the many lying whispers. Not only that, I choose to focus my thoughts on those truths.

Finding hope - in seeking Him and His truths. Not giving up.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1

("Don't Give Up" lyrics by Calling Glory)

One Heart. Many, many pieces. The tearing of eyes & the tearing of aheart.

A Wife
     Adoring Comforted Delighted Thankful
     Hurting Wondering Wishing
     Clinging Hoping Loving

A Mother
     Rejoicing Caring Praising Joyful
     Grieving Torn Wanting
     Clinging Hoping Loving

A Woman
     Believing Soaking Receiving Trusting
     Conflicted Wounded Weeping
     Clinging Hoping Loving

Today has been one of those "feel like your heart was banged up against your chest" kind of days.  For years I had thought of myself as being one of those women who don't cry much.  For years I simply did not easily tear up. At least, I thought I didn't. These last few years though have put me FAR into the realm of feeling deeply and experiencing many, many emotions more significantly. Today was simply RACKED FULL with raw emotions on various spectrums, like all...over...the...place.

Our day began with the most amazing experience.  We saw a 14 year old get baptized.  A 14 year old boy whom we saw go from utter despair to amazing hope. A boy whom we loved and shared the hope and love of Jesus with. This boy is the oldest of the sibling group of five children that we cared for for 15 months.

 Due to a number of circumstances, we were not able to keep caring for the sibling group and let me tell you....that alone tore me up inside!  I love these children - deeply. I wanted to be there for them through all their triumphs. When these precious children first came to us, caring for them was extremely challenging. There were many struggles and battles to be fought and much, much love and forbearance required. We went through it. I wanted to be a part of the joy filled life on the other side. Ultimately, we were not to continue in our role.  It was something that was clearly directed by God.  We had to trust in Him in yet another new and deeper level.  Then He brought these children to a loving Christian home about 30-40 minutes away from us.  The way God worked out the details was simply a miracle.

Today - we got to watch this child be baptized and take that bold step to let all know that HE is going to FOLLOW JESUS and TRUST HIM! For this, I was overjoyed!

Today - we also sat by him.  We were there as, well...we'll always feel like parents to him...yet...we aren't.  So we were there as people who will always love and care for him but on the outside of his immediate family. That was tough for me.  He is now in the care of another home. Another set of parents. So are his siblings. I miss them. Part of me longs to be mom to them, but I can't and I'm not supposed to be. For this I am sad and conflicted.

That...tears...a...heart.

New Season - New Blog - New Mercies - New Hope

Those who know us well know that over the last few years our family has gone through many large changes, endured many challenging situations and fought many spiritual battles.  We have also seen miracles happen, God's mighty movements in people's hearts, healing and growth.

In early 2012, with short notice, we moved from our home of over a decade to live on a ranch we did not own.  (For more information on the move click here.)  We took care of 13 foster children and another teen boy in a span of 15 months.  At the end of May 2013 we moved back to our home and soon we were down to three of our five children in the home.

Previous to "the move" we had taken a year of rest from many commitments after coming out of a season of owning and operating a non-profit ministry and large physical Christian library, as well leading many ministries (worship, prayer, teen, mens, womens etc) and homeschooling four of our five children.

Many times there have been activities that we've led or participated in that were great and fulfilling.  Also, there were several times that they did not turned out as we had hoped or thought they would. 

We have often wrestled with many of the things that many people wrestle with:

Are we parenting our kids well? Are they learning discipline? Are we showing grace? Do they feel loved? Do they love us?

Will homeschooling our kids be successful?  Will they excel?  What methods or curriculum should we use?

Why does communication in marriage seem so difficult...nay...impossible?  Why doesn't he just listen? Why doesn't she trust me?

Will I ever learn to simply stop yelling, or getting irritated, or feeling hurt, or in despair?

Why does it seem that life is SO HARD!

      Ugh - this one I hate to even admit that I think... and I always have to check myself because deep down I KNOW that MANY MANY people experience FAR more challenging circumstances.

Then it hits again. Will I ever stop feeling bad for myself?  Seriously Jo - SNAP OUT OF IT! (Like that ever really helps.)

Then...Then...Then....

HE speaks to me.  HE speaks to my heart. HE reminds me that HE has the peace I need, that HE cares, that HE is strong enough to overcome and....and....and...

that HE is worthy of me praising HIM despite the circumstances.

So now we are beginning a new season. It is FAR from perfect. There are still painful family circumstances we are walking through.  We are learning new and deeper levels of trusting HIM all the time.  We are learning new ways to communicate as a couple and with others. We are learning new perspectives to so many aspects of walking a life of humility and confidence in Christ. There are new mercies and there is a deeper understanding of clinging to Him. There is still pain and brokenness to be worked out, but there is a renewing of our spirit with Hope.

So now...we lean into Him more than ever. 

So now...we seek Him in all things.   We hold on to our belief that His promises are true and good and that His ultimate plan for our lives is better than anything we can see or understand.

Now we look forward to a new and brighter future, here and forevermore.

"...He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."
And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down for these words are trustworthy and true." - Revelation 21:4-5

Top 10 signs that it might be a Pirate kind of day -

10. Your daily books deals promote books about Pirates.

9. Your friends are dressed up in full Pirate garb and posting pictures on Facebook.

8. Your kids can't stay focused on schoolwork because they are trying to figure out how to look like a pirate. They would rather grab black construction paper and start cutting out multiple eye masks then do their math.

7. You forgo all afternoon plans to help said kiddos become pirates so they can collect sugar booty. Surely you are parent of the year...leading your children to the life of a pirate.

6. In order to do so, you must find out what YOU own that will help YOU become "parent of the year" pirate. Arggh!

5. You stop at a tiny island with cheap trinkets and treasures to complete said costume. Then you get to share your new cheap piratey things with someone else so they can collect sugar booty like you. (But that's not really very piratey like.)

4. Your accent becomes thick and raspy and scurvy like, and you say things like "Ahoy Matey" and "Arrgggh" (Then later you might be corrected by your Captain, "Isn't scurvy a disease?" Well, whatever. The disease affects the mouth so you really can sound scurvy -like, but that's kind of gross to think about.)

3. You might call up a friend talking like a pirate and never give any indication that you are anything BUT said pirate. Then you wonder if they understood anything you said anyway, in your scurvy piratey voice.

2. You wonder if you'll ever get to try some of your friends special homemade Piratey Rum. Hmmm.

1. On the way home from collecting your sugar booty, you listen to non-piratey music and your children sing along to the tunes, thereby changing their personalities out of pirate hood for a moment, until...the song says, "opened my eyes, let me see..." and your youngest matey says, "I ONLY have ONE eye!!"

Ask, Seek, Knock...Receive

What is that you said?

"For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."
-Deuteronomy 4:24

You are a jealous God? What do you have to be jealous of?

I am not like you. I don't have anything that you haven't given me.

Oh - wait a minute.

I don't have anything that you haven't given me?

I don't have anything that you haven't given me.

Hmmmm...

I do not have anything that YOU haven't given me!

Yikes!  My home? My husband? My kids? My friends?

My peace...my comfort...my assurance.

Your love! Your grace! Your forgiveness! Your sufficiency! Your redemption!

Should I ask for more? Do I dare? Won't I bother you? What if I ask for the wrong things?

Book Review: The Rainbow Egg by Linda K. Hendricks, M.D.

Two birds with rainbow feathers. A mom and dad. Mr. and Mrs. Rainbow. Waiting. Longing. Wishing for an egg of their own. 

These two sweet birds want their own chick to raise.  They have a happy home, but no chick to join them.  They try and try but still they have no egg.

One bird. Hope. With a rainbow egg.

She lives alone in the woods and has no nest.  She has a rainbow egg, but no home.  She tries and tries but still has no way to care for the rainbow egg she carries.