For a day like today...God gave me Chugga Dude & Costco

Some days are just hard...emotionally exhausting even. I've had a lot of those, especially over the last many months. Sometimes I feel like I am at a crux where the momentum of life is taking a hard right to a new direction.

Today, I got the chance to come face to face with hard realities in life.  I am confronted with the fact that our children are never really under our control. They are created by our Creator and we are blessed with the opportunity to love and shepherd them for a period of time. Then they begin to make their own decisions and the best thing a parent can do is cry out to God and pray and trust. He made them after all. He had a plan for them long before a mother did.

Days like today make the good and bad memories of years gone by flood to the surface. Days like today remind me of my great need for total reliance on my Father in Heaven. Days like today I don't look forward to, but can later learn to appreciate and be thankful for. 

In the midst, I've been reminded to seek joy in all sufferings. That the rewards in heaven for suffering are far greater than temporal sufferings.  I've been comforted by friends. I am challenged to find things to be thankful for and to rejoice in the Lord despite the pain as I lay my burdens at the feet of Jesus and ask Him to take over.  Um...can I say...Jesus take the wheel?

As I pause towards the end of this day, I have a moment to reflect and to thank God for the little things.  I am thankful for the hug of a faithful friend.  I am thankful for the help of another to assist in something I could not do on my own.   I am thankful for texts from loved ones at just the right time.

And... one of the best things about today, was a little reminder from God to treasure the moments. Moments like seeing my Chugga Dude, my ever creating and non stop wonder, find excitement at Costco. I can relate.  For me, Costco means finding loads of organic and natural items to stock up on.  For Chugga Dude and my little Rose it means so many free samples that the pit stop for lunch before shopping was completely unnecessary.  For Chugga Dude and my little Rose, it also means a place where simple things, like empty boxes mean new creations.  Even a box can let your spirits soar as you imagine the fun your jet pack boy is going to have on his adventures.

So for today...God gave me Chugga Dude & Costco. 

Come on Chugga Dude....let's soar!

One Heart. Many, many pieces. The tearing of eyes & the tearing of aheart.

A Wife
     Adoring Comforted Delighted Thankful
     Hurting Wondering Wishing
     Clinging Hoping Loving

A Mother
     Rejoicing Caring Praising Joyful
     Grieving Torn Wanting
     Clinging Hoping Loving

A Woman
     Believing Soaking Receiving Trusting
     Conflicted Wounded Weeping
     Clinging Hoping Loving

Today has been one of those "feel like your heart was banged up against your chest" kind of days.  For years I had thought of myself as being one of those women who don't cry much.  For years I simply did not easily tear up. At least, I thought I didn't. These last few years though have put me FAR into the realm of feeling deeply and experiencing many, many emotions more significantly. Today was simply RACKED FULL with raw emotions on various spectrums, like all...over...the...place.

Our day began with the most amazing experience.  We saw a 14 year old get baptized.  A 14 year old boy whom we saw go from utter despair to amazing hope. A boy whom we loved and shared the hope and love of Jesus with. This boy is the oldest of the sibling group of five children that we cared for for 15 months.

 Due to a number of circumstances, we were not able to keep caring for the sibling group and let me tell you....that alone tore me up inside!  I love these children - deeply. I wanted to be there for them through all their triumphs. When these precious children first came to us, caring for them was extremely challenging. There were many struggles and battles to be fought and much, much love and forbearance required. We went through it. I wanted to be a part of the joy filled life on the other side. Ultimately, we were not to continue in our role.  It was something that was clearly directed by God.  We had to trust in Him in yet another new and deeper level.  Then He brought these children to a loving Christian home about 30-40 minutes away from us.  The way God worked out the details was simply a miracle.

Today - we got to watch this child be baptized and take that bold step to let all know that HE is going to FOLLOW JESUS and TRUST HIM! For this, I was overjoyed!

Today - we also sat by him.  We were there as, well...we'll always feel like parents to him...yet...we aren't.  So we were there as people who will always love and care for him but on the outside of his immediate family. That was tough for me.  He is now in the care of another home. Another set of parents. So are his siblings. I miss them. Part of me longs to be mom to them, but I can't and I'm not supposed to be. For this I am sad and conflicted.

That...tears...a...heart.